Just 70 More Signatures to Go!!!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/protect-winnemem-wintu-tribe-puberty-ceremony

Please if you have not already done it, please sign the petition to Boxer asking for her help to encourage the Forest Service of the Trinity Forests to close down a small part of the McCloud River for only 4 days so the Puberty Ceremony can proceed with safety and without interference. We need 1000 signatures and we have gathered 930 in a week. Please help!

Here's an article written by a young leader of the Winnemem tribe, Michael Preston, son of Caleen Sisk Franco, Chief.

http://www.indiancountrytoday.com/archive/Preston-Protecting-salmon-ceremonies-and-culture-98107114.html

Almost 1000 signing for the Winnemem ceremony!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/protect-winnemem-wintu-tribe-puberty-ceremony

Seriously!! In less than a week 834 people have signed a petition to US Senator Barb Boxer of California to do all she can to help the Winnemem Wintu carry on their important Coming of Age Ceremony for Jessie and Marisa Sisk on a small stretch of the McCloud River as it has always been done in safety and without interference and danger. Senator Boxer has been helpful in the past encouraging the Forest Service to support religious freedom and respect of the indigenous peoples of the land over which the FS has authority.

We have only 166 more signatures to go!!! Please take the time to go on site and sign.

Jessica let us know that she ane Marisa practiced swimming across and made it!! They are shy but they are getting ready for the ceremony.

We would not want boaters who ignore our voluntary closure of the river to endanger them as they swim across to join us on the fourth day. We would not want the boaters bring beer and wave their bottles, harass the people, women and children included, flashing them as they did when Babers went through her Coming of Age ceremony. At that time the Forest Service finally did close the river down because the drunken boaters ignored the Forest Service employee in his kayak, giving him a bump when he tried to talk to them.

So please take some time to help this ceremony carry on, support these young women to go through the ceremony which will give them strength as women, and join the tribe and their supporters in our prayers for them. Please go to this link and sign.

I hope that the petition can be sent today!!!

WW/ Will the US Ratify the UN International Declaration of Human Rights

Our Chief and Head Man are headed to Washington DC again, on their own dime, without certainty that they will be heard but with a heart full of commitment on behalf of 90 percent of the tribes in California who were "de-recognized" by the federal government in the 1980's. They will be seeking to be heard about what has been done to the California Indians by the very same Federal Government who is hosting a discussion on whether or not to reconsider their non-ratification vote of the UN Declaration of Human Rights regarding Indigenous Peoples since New Zealand recently joined Austrilia in ratification. The State Department has invited feedback from "FEDERALLY RECOGNIZED TRIBES" and NGO's -- or Non Governmental Organizations.

One would hope that the Winnemem would be "allowed" to speak at least if NGO's can speak unless this so-called free and democratic government also has the arrogance to determine who are federally recognized non-governmental organizations as well. I appreciate that Chief Caleen Sisk Franco and Headman Mark Franco are flying clear over there and taking the energy and time once again to speak on behalf of the tribes/salmon/water and speak to the injustices. If they are heard, then this government is finally doing the right thing. If they are told "you cannot speak; we do not recognize you" it gives the people of this country some valuable information, more evidence that there's something really rotton in Washington when it comes to basic human rights for the Native Peoples of this land. Whether a tribe is recognized or not, whether Caleen and Mark will be allowed to speak as even a non governmental organization or not has nothing to do with the legitimacy of the Winnemem Tribe. There is no doubt that they are a historical, traditional tribe respected around the world. Their legitimacy is not at question here. And there is no question that their leaders are legitimate. Their leaders are being Winnemem and leaders no matter what, against great odds, at great personal sacrifice. I know no leader equal to them when it comes to prioritizing leading over all personal gain, doing what is right for their people, their ancestors, their future generations, for the Earth, their spiritual responsibilities for all the people of the world. Leaders don't get more legitimate than that. If the State Department representative won't hear what Caleen and Mark have to say, the absurdity of federal recognition of tribes will be revealed.

Do you suppose the BIA and the government also have a federal recognition list of who is a non-governmental organizations, or a federal recognition list on who is a human being? A federally recognized human being? Federal Recognition reveals more and more to thinking peoples the rotten core of this policy. Thinking people, if they learn about what federal recognition really is, will all finally arrive at the single observation -- that Federal Recognition is a human rights violation of the worst kind. It's what a government uses to try to hide their sins against humanity by choosing who is Indian and choosing who is to be invisible and stripped of all rights due them by any treaty, the Constitution and the UN Declaration of Human Rights.

I appreciate from the bottom of my heart that Caleen and Mark are flying back to DC once again. I am grateful they keep doing this because it is something leaders must do. They must not allow extermination of their culture and historical presence, responsibility and participation. They cannot disappear. Caleen and Mark are doing the right thing. The big question mark is will the State Department do the right thing.

Caleen Sisk Franco was one of the framers of the UN Declaration of Human Rights for Indigenous Peoples 2009. She was asked to testify, then she was asked to keep coming and representing. Her presence there opened up the whole conversation on "federal recognition" as a tool for human rights violations against indigenous peoples all over the world at the UN conference. What kind of blind arrogance and stupidity would keep one of the very people who helped frame this document from speaking about it? Guess we'll see and I hope the World sees. If you know some journalists out there in DC land, far from the great mountains of California, its rivers, the ordinary people of California, certainly the tribal people of California, let the journalists and media people know to look for Caleen and Mark taking a letter from 90 percent of the California Tribes and their allies around the world and all over the country to help the US understand and make the right decision to ratify the UN Human Rights Declaration for Indigenous People. Tell the story. Were they able to walk through the door? take the floor? speak? be heard? Please give them the back story and encourage them to cover this. If you're in DC and you have a camera and can do YouTube, find where this is happening, and please show up and upload the story. What did you see? Granny said to us, tell the world and the good people of the world will hear you.

It will take us all to get the word out. There will be a Prayer Fire in Eugene, Oregon, praying for justice for the Winnemem and a safe journey there and back for the Leaders.

WW/ Song of the Salmon People

Song of the Salmon People

from Miguel Luna

This was posted by my friend Miguel Luna who has a school in LA called AGUA. He and his students come to ceremony every year at Coonrod in the Mt. Shasta forest. They do not learn about water from a book -- but by working for it, activating for it, praying for it. He is a teacher who is not a "five years of schooling and you're an expert" kind of teacher but instead is a teacher who models humility and respect for Water preparing students for a committed life of stewardship or relationship with it. He sent this out on Facebook. Please don't drink bottled water, and please teach that:


Via: Online Schools

Dan Franco, Warrior, Grandfather, Patriot and "Lawbreaker"

We broke the law this weekend. The last of the elders living at the Winnemem Village, Dan Franco, died June 4 and we honored and buried him in the graveyard promised to the Winnemem Wintu Tribe -- the only promise kept when their homes were drowned with the raising of Shasta Lake Dam in the late 1930's.

However, without notifying the tribe, the US transferred the cemetery to the BLM in the 1980's. Not only does the BLM not hold lands in trust, but it is also illegal to bury people on BLM land.

The Winnemem did not discover this until another 2007 later when they went as they always have done to fill out the papers to bury their beloved last Winnemem elder, Margie Charles and were told by the clerk, "ooops, it's BLM land." A cemetery was made BLM land without any consideration for the party with whom the agreement was made. Does that make sense? Since then, we have done what needed to be done, the wake, the burial illegally. We have been made lawbreakers by the US Government whom the Winnemem leaders trusted back in the 1800's and again in 1938 with the Central Valley Project when they were promised like land, a cemetery, and again by the Freedom of Religion Act -- both of them -- that the Winnemem Wintu Tribe would be able to practice their religion freely, above ground, that their unique cultural and spiritual ways should not be exterminated but should be able to exist.

But the "lawmakers" become lawbreakers making laws "willy nilly" without any consideration for the Winnemem and other California tribes. In the 1980's, Ronald Reagan's Supreme Court made a shameful decision which allowed the federal government to "de-recognize" 90 percent of the California historical tribes. The government created two lists -- Unrecognized and Federally Recognized. The vast majority of California's historical tribes were stripped of all their rights in an instant. Of the ten percent Recognized Tribes, only four percent are historical tribes. The other six percent are tribes created by the Federal Government. They are now the tribes with casinos and benefits and without that pesky special tie to the sacred lands of California. Handy for dam builders, energy companies, water bottling companies.

The Winnemem were told when they followed up on this making the case that they have many documents which proves they had a relationship as a tribe with the Federal Government that they had been dropped erroneously, however, it would take an Act of Congress to put them back on the list. After tenacious work, the California legislature passed a Joint Resolution in August 2009 which encourages the Federal Representatives of California to introduce a "restoration bill" restoring the Winnemem tribe. But it is not as easy as it seems. Congressman Herger of Shasta Lake who has made his hatred for the Winnemem known has already stated he would fight any attempt. Senator Feinstein, the same one who sneaked in an attachment regarding water into the work bill which would have eradicated salmon from northern CA doesn't care about the Winnemem. And Senator Boxer has never met with them and has let them know through her aides that she is not comfortable moving in front of Herger. Deadlock.

In recent years, I am disturbed how the Bush government has viewed the few freedoms and rights given indigenous people of this country. They have arrogantly taken it as the federal government's right to determine who the tribes are. It doesn't matter that the tribe is historical, still practices their way of life. In fact, it seems these are the very tribes who they wanted to stamp out. The only tribes which they seem interested in recognizing are the BIA tribes who have traded in their traditional way of governing so they can access federal grants. The Winnemem Tribe has never chosen to have a tribal council for of government. They do not care about grants and casinos. Florence Jones, the spiritual leader and Chief before Caleen Sisk Franco always said that casinos will rot a tribe from the inside out. All the Winnemem wish to do is follow their traditional way of life and keep their traditional responsibilities given them by the Great Olelbis to take care of the Sacred Lands, the Salmon, the Water.

It is such a deep disappointment that President Obama has chosen to maintain the Bush policy toward indigenous tribes. He has surrounded himself with BIA Advisors guarding their pot of money. Any petition sent by the Winnemem Tribe which has to do with sacred land, water, accepting an invitation to attend Obama's gathering indigenous leaders is detoured to a low level bureaucrat who whips off a form letter, "you must be a federally recognized tribe."

In the past, all tribes were considered in human rights laws such as freedom of religion. But Obama, like Bush, has grasped on to a racist Supreme Court's mischief which erodes what good lawmakers passed when they saw the Supreme Court could not do their job with the second Freedom of Religion Act. It is supreme irony that the spiritual leader who was the first to access the freedom of religion of the first Freedom of Religion Act, Florence Jones of the Winnemem Wintu, and brought her ceremonies above ground would today be sent an insulting, arrogant letter by a bureaucrat -- "are you recognized" -- and ignored under the Obama administration. When the Winnemem tribe access the rights of indigenous people of this country, they are told "you don't have these rights. You're not recognized."

This is the most severe of human rights violations. No where else in the world are these ceremonies practiced, these languages spoken. No where else in the world are this particular Chinook Salmon prayed for. No where else in the world are these sacred lands. These rights which are denied them include advocating for their sacred lands, village sites, burial grounds. These rights denied them include practicing their religion, and ceremonies as they have from the beginning of time, ceremonies which exist no where else in the world, ceremonies which will become extinct without generations carrying them on. These rights include healthcare and college for their young people. The only and last generation of Winnemem who went to college was that first generation who entered in the 1960's but by the time their children reach college age, the federal government through Reagan's Supreme Court had rendered them non-Indians. These rights which are promised indigenous people of the United States so they do not become extinct are forbidden the Winnemem Wintu who are known all over the world as people who tenaciously hang on to their ancient way of life, their ceremonies for the water, sacred land and fish in a time when these places, the water and the salmon need prayers more than ever before. The Winnemem Wintu are important to people all over the globe; yet that means nothing to the law breaking lawmakers, the Reagan/Bush Supreme Court, and the President who made promises he could not keep because he surrounded himself from the beginning with Clinton's crew and his focus is "on more important things" -- Wall Street. There will be no justice this Presidential term for victims of environmental disasters, for middle income to homeless people who seek a just health care reform, immigrants, and there is no justice for the indigenous tribes of this land especially those of California -- the tribes who are the focus of greedy corporations and the Water Wars predicted by Mo Udall back in the early '70's. Obama, sadly, aspired to one thing -- the Office -- and now that he sits there, those who put him there will have to wait a long time for justice as he panders to those who did not elect him and do not want change, and who in fact, ran amok and profitted during the Bush years. What else can a tribal member think when the leaders of their tribe known to the world for who they are petitions their President and he never ever responds because he is upholding a bad policy.

We broke the law this weekend to bury Dan Franco the way he wanted to be buried, beside his wife in the Winnemem burial ground, proud Apache elder, Winnemem tribal member and last elder, an honored veteran who has served his country and the Winnemem tribe with distinction. We sent him off with a 21 gun salute. A grandson was there in uniform, a young soldier who served in Iraq twice.

Dan Franco, proud Apache man and patriot who spent his whole life serving the United States of America, as a Navy Man in WWII, seeing 8 campaigns, and an officer in the Police Department as well as the Sherrif Posse later and after retirement continued to work serve ended his life with the Winnemem Wintu. He has the distinction of being the only Indian John Wayne "Duke" shot and lived to tell about it. That is a joke the family shares. Wayne, his good friend, had accidentally shot his friend, a bullet ricocheting and hitting Franco in the forehead. Bloody as it was, he refused to go to the hospital and said a little bandage would take care of it.

As a Winnemem, he played the important role as grandfather to the tribe's many young men and women, elder and counselor to his son Headman Mark Franco and his daughter-in-law Caleen Sisk Franco, Chief of the Winnemem tribe. Dan Franco, proud United States Navy Man, Police Officer and Deputy believed that Chief Caleen Sisk Franco was doing the right thing by her people, one hundred percent. He was proud of her. He was proud of his son for dedicating his life to the Winnemem.

There is something wrong happening today when a man like Dan Franco is found to be on the other side of the law on the day he is buried, five days after his death. There is something very wrong.

It was a good day, with family and friends of Dan's family. The grave was dug by the young men of the tribe. One of them had flown in from Kansas to do this for his grandfather. The young men also put him in the grave after we all said our words for this good and honorable man. We had lost our last elder so it was a sobering day for us. The feast was cooked by his Winnemem "son," a Sac State counselor, and father of the Iraq War veteran. Everything of that day was done by people who loved Dan Franco, who owed him honor and the deepest respect. Surrounded as he was with family, on a blue - sky day, the American flag draped over his casket, with a color guard and 21 gun salute, this hero was sent off on his last journey. And in the Winnemem way, far from unjust laws and human rights violations, we surrounded him and sent him off with reverence, respect and love deeper and more personal than I witness in other places.

May our dear elder, our grandfather, rest in peace.

Open Adoption

This was not an easy night for our daughter. We were very proud of her. Will and I accompanied her to a circle of people thinking of adopting through Open Adoption. The circle included birth mothers and father who had gone through the process. They were going to share their experiences with the interested future parents.

It was not easy to sit there and listen to the birth mothers and the father talk about their experiences as different as night is from day from Maki's experience. They shared stories with glowing faces about adoptive parents who had become like family -- the gay couple raising the young man's son who sends him and the birth mother pictures each month, calls them, a young woman Maki's age with a son she adopted to a couple the same year, welcomed into the family, a room in the basement when she goes to visit, visiting even on Mother's Day, able to name the baby, her family invited to their family gatherings, or the older former drug addict who had twin boys, also welcome, given pictures every month, phone calls all the time, honored and treated respectfully by the adoptive parents.

It was hard to sit beside our daughter knowing how she is treated by the adopted parents, a law professor for a dad, a stay at home mom, well respected by their peers, and their treatment of our daughter a dirty secret we all keep. I looked over at her expecting tears and saw her soft smile for each couple. I marvel at Maki's good feelings and it makes me proud of her. This is our daughter who came to us at five years old with no expectations of being hugged, no expectations that she should be held in a healthy way, no expectations to have a family stay with her through thick or thin, no expectations of any permanence -- and as a teen, rebelled against a thick or thin, permanent, consistent, big family. Our daughter became pregnant at 18 and when she finally accepted the reality, focused the whole of herself on the twin girls growing inside of her -- stopped her partying, thought of the little ones before she thought of herself. As I sat beside Maki in the Open Adoption circle, I remembered our walks up Mt. Pigsah, her talking to the twins, explaining to the twins what she wanted for them, telling them she loved them, that she was going to work very hard so they would be healthy and feel loved, that she was going to choose carefully two parents with a home who could take care of them and love them too and give them what she could not. She promised she would never abandon them and would be in their lives. She said she would tell them someday what her thoughts were while she carried them. She kept a journal of those thoughts. It was very important as an abandoned child herself that these two little girls did not feel abandoned at all. She would ask me to pray that for her and them. And I did. I prayed that they would always have a happy life and never feel like something was missing. She would squeeze my hand when I said those words. She had no ego. She wanted the girls to feel complete with their adopted parents. I remember Maki talking about how the trees would be there for them anytime they felt lonely. That is what she learned from Grandpa Marvin our Kickapoo relative. Her name meant "tall straight evergreen" and she felt related and comforted by trees. She prayed for the girls. She played calm music for them. She gave up bad food for them, and the drinking and the hard life, just like that for them.

Months before any of these other parents in the Open Adoption Circle did, she picked the parents and made a relationship with them. She honored and respected them. They were 40 years old and she felt they deserved respect from her. One was a professor, Japanese American, the mother Jewish. They seemed friendly, and committed to Open Adoption and seemed respectful of Maki. They were respectful when they came to the hospital, and when Maki let them in the hospital room with her and the twins, and they could carry them. They were respectful at the formal ritual Open Adoption does when the babies are given to the adoptive parents. And then slowly at first and then more and more boldly things changed.

It was hard to listen to the other birth mothers talk about their experience with a tone of entitlement, with such sureness about their importance and status in their children's lives. They referred to them as "my sons." Our daughter does not claim that right. Granted, she went through the same up and down transition as the others, visiting too many times, calling too many times, asking to see them too many times. I was surprised it was common where the birth parents and the adoptive parents compassionately work things out with each other during the tough transition. Now that I look back on it I see that the girls' adoptive parents did not handle it as the other adoptive parents of that circle. M., the mother, would call me and I would have to rein Maki in. I had no context or understanding of Open Adoption. I should have said, "call Open Adoption" and let them work it out together. So from the beginning, I now see that the commitment to Open Adoption just was not there for them. The conversation was sabotaged. There was no intention to communicate with Maki herself. From the beginning, Maki's presence was like a fly in the ointment.

For the past seven years, Maki would call politely and ask for pictures. She hinted she wanted some she could frame, not the emailed pictures which printed into tiny little squares -- a hundred little photos sent as if to keep her satisfied for a long time so they wouldn't have to bother. She would ask if she could visit and has been able to only a few times during the girls' lives, maybe three times in seven years. She called and left messages. No return calls. One day she said to me, "I think I should just not bother them anymore. Maybe I can ask for one picture a year?"

I said, "Maki, you know, the adults in your life have not kept their commitments to you so you are someone who maybe even thinks you don't deserve commitments kept. But you deserve it. You deserve to be respected. These parents owe you what was promised." So she would call or write and ask again.

It's been so long I don't remember the exact words or even the request but I finally sat down and wrote M. and K. a "mother to mother" letter asking them to have compassion for our daughter. I think I did tell them that Will and I did not expect nor will we ask to be part of their lives but that we wish for them to have compassion for Maki.

Fast forward to the Open Adoption circle tonight. How was it that we became part of the circle. Maki moved home to be close to us last year. She came as a grown, mature woman, able to take care of herself, a forthright young woman whose power is truth. Maki is vivacious, energetic. She does what she believes is right and fair. She has lots of friends because she is fun and does things for them. But once in awhile she admits how sad she is and asks, maybe I should give up and not bother them. I know who she is talking about. I don't even have to ask. "Maybe if they could just send pictures a couple of times a year." I told her you have two choices. Wait until they are 18 because they will come to find you. All of us look for the parent eventually. And when they do, you should show respect for their parents and never say anything bad. She said, "Yes, of course. I would do that, Mom." I knew that. I think we all were so jumpy about how the two adoptive parents see us, like "beggers" waiting for a handout on their front lawn. I think we all felt ashamed and apologetic deep down. And the other choice? Go to Open Adoption and ask for advice.

She did. And Open Adoption responded with such clarity. No hesitation. They called M. and talked to her. They read her the contract. I won't go into detail but they got the picture. They picked up the tone, the lack of intent.

According to Open Adoption, Maki's situation is a very rare case, which is good. I am embarrassed for the two adoptive parents to have taken such a road to become one of the least sensitive parents of this organization. But our family has a mantra, "the girls are happy. They are really good to the girls." And we try to let it go.

Open Adoption told our daughter her rights. They said she could even ask for us to be grandparents which she shared with me. "I'm sorry, Maki. We will support you, but we have experienced M. She has no intention for us to be in the picture. The twins have grandparents already. Your dad and I made a decision a long time ago for peace for the girls and not provoke the adoptive mother." We will, however, support Maki's right to see the girls and the Open Adoption process.

So that's how we came to be in that circle. When it was Maki's turn to speak, I put my arm around her. Was she going to be able to follow these exemplary Open Adoption stories without breaking down? It was overwhelming, the difference. Following the other birth parents who boldly shared what they demanded and got, she would say, I never would think of asking to see them on Mother's Day. I never would have asked to have them flown to my home. I never thought I could go to a family gathering or fly in and expect to stay at their house. She did not expect anything, maybe two pictures a year, a call back, an email back.

Finally I spoke. The question was, are there any suggestions for these prospective parents?

"I have something to say. Look deeply into your hearts, be really honest with yourselves before you adopt through Open Adoption. These two people who adopted the girls are nice people, as nice as anyone in this circle." Maki nodded in agreement. "But they picked the wrong kind of adoption for themselves. And that wrong fit made them do bad things. They should have chosen a closed adoption. But because they chose unwisely and followed their own selfish needs rather than their commitment, they have harmed our daughter. If there is anything in you that prefers to have your own family, no interference from the outside, your own holidays, your own lives, don't choose this way just because open adoption sounds cool, valiant, liberal, open-minded. There is no shame in a closed adoption."

I also said, "We are adoptive parents. Our daughter came to us when she was five. She did not know nor did she expect anything but broken commitments. The adults in her life let her down. I had to tell her that she deserved to have these two people keep their commitment. They are adults. They are in their 40's or 50's and should know how to live a dignified life. They are professionals aspiring to the higher echelons of society. They can keep a commitment. I am a "mother bear" in this situation. I am upset our daughter is treated badly, disrespectfully, and still is to this day. I am upset that things are done begrudgingly, and without any respect or compassion for her, of all people."

I hope they listened. I hope none of them adopt through Open Adoption unless they are determined, uncomfortable as it may be sometimes, to honor their commitments. I hope they know that commitments must be kept even if they are much too busy and much too important to bother with a former "troubled teen." I hope if any of them meet the birth mother and she expects the minimum as our daughter does, that they will appreciate her and give her a little more than what she asks. And if open adoption is not for them, I hope they honor and respect and accept themselves lovingly and say, this is not for me. I must parent another way.

I received a letter from M, I suspect as a result of the mediation which Maki sought from the Open Adoption staff. I decided to wait to open it with Maki when she returned from a six week job in Utah, just in case she wasn't sent anything. During the early years when they still lived in Eugene, I received long phone calls from M telling us how much they enjoyed us and how they must have us over to their home. Such phone calls preceded a long disappearance into nothing. This letter felt no different. Intentions are clarified by action. And the actions have made what almost seemed like a cruel game. I don't know how else to explain this strange pattern except as a game. I feel toyed with. But I accept that there are such people in the world. And say the mantra to myself. "The girls are happy. Their parents are good to them."

So I set the letter aside and waited for Maki to come home. If she came home to no letter or pictures, if the letter to us was a retaliatory gesture, I was prepared to go to Open Adoption and ask them to call M and inform her that she is not to contact us to hurt our daughter again. But that was unnecessary. When Maki got home, she had an envelope from M. waiting for her, opened her envelope. Pictures, a letter, a program of Sarah in a play, a piece written by Sarah about her day, a nice crayola drawing from Rachel. I was satisfied and sent a thank you and acknowledgment of the letter and pictures. The girls had grown so much, of course. The last time we saw them or heard anything of them was when they were two years old. Now they were seven and in the second grade!

I suppose I believe in miracles so there may be another letter for Maki from the adoptive parents, probably the mother because apparently, in the arguments between M and K, dealing with Maki has become the mother's responsibility and the father is not involved at all. Perhaps the communication will be done in a timely manner without our daughter having to ask the agency to call the adoptive parents again to remind them of the contract. But I am heartened to know that the agency is more than happy to continue to call those parents for as long as they are needed in order for the parents to remember, and they will not stop. It did me some good to hear a circle of people gasp to a very tamed down version of Maki's experience. She does not want to hurt the adoptive parents. She is the first to admit how busy they must be, how it's easy to forget. The group gasped, nonetheless, and that emphasizes for Maki that she is a human being who counts for something in this world and deserves to be treated as such. The former addict gave birth to twin boys who had weathered drugs and carbon monoxide poisoning before being born. Maki, our wild child, stopped all her wild ways determined to have healthy girls. She talked to them and told them en utero that they were loved and she would always be in their lives in some way. She nursed them while they were in the hospital so they would be as strong as possible. To their credit, the former addict's adoptive parents have no fear or prejudice of her life style and honor and respect her. Meanwhile, my daughter has to struggle and beg so she can keep a promise she made to stop the cycle of abandonment that she suffered and do whatever possible to keep it from the twins' lives.

I saw one thing tonight that really did my heart good. The Open Adoption birth mothers and father, I noticed, held their head high, talked with authority of their high place in their children's lives, as I said. Their adoptive parents helped the birth parents be proud, as they should be, sure of themselves and the good decision they made, and that in making this decision, they could feel that they were good parents. Tonight,although she spoke with much fewer expectations of K. and M. and although theirs is a failed open adoption, I saw my daughter sit with her head held high enough. She no longer felt like an interference. Her cheeks were no longer red with stress, head held obsequiously begging for a bit of a letter or a photo big enough to frame and hold in her hand rather than a hundred mini-shots she has to xerox from a hurried email. She was finally respected. She was respected by the Open Adoption staff who had heard both sides and are helping to smooth the way for both parties to have a successful Open Adoption someday. Our daughter was respected by the prospective parents in the Open Adoption circle tonight because she had so few requests, had kind thoughts and kind words to say about the adoptive parents, had compassion for their situation regarding her. She only came to emphasize how important communication was and to testify about Open Adoptions' staffs' ability to mediate successfully. She came to share her true feelings about the heavy responsibility the commitment brings to it and to think carefully. She carried herself with dignity. I am so happy for her that she finally got some respect for being a birth mother outside of her parents respect for her.

I hope that eventually these two adoptive parents will find the energy, the will, and take the time to integrate their Open Adoption commitment into their lives so that it is not an added bother but instead as important as their important lives are. I hope they break the destructive cycle of neglect and abandonment which our daughter tried so hard to break. Only a birth mother knows instinctively how those things get passed down, how those unexplainable empty spots still hang around deep inside the heart that is not tended.

She picked Open Adoption for reasons others had not even considered in that circle. Tonight I heard their stories and found it missing Maki's most heart felt reasons. She picked Open Adoption for Openness, for the truth, for no dirty little family secrets. She is conscious of the hurtful legacy of family secrets, of BEING a secret. It broke her heart to know the two adoptive parents -- as she calls them HER adoptive parents -- never told the girls they were adopted. Their family doctor unknowingly blurted it out at an appointment and the girls were shocked. M described that to Maki over the phone, how their mouths dropped open. The foundation stones Maki had thought she had carefully placed for her girls were kicked to the side from the outset. They were a secret. She was a secret. They weren't connected. She was made to have abandoned them. And they will carry those circumstances into their "fifteen year old phase." I don't know how or if it will play out. It certainly played out in our lives as adoptive parents. I will pray for the family that same first prayer that the girls will feel whole and want for nothing in their heart and feel things complete with their family. That was our prayer together, Maki and I. Maki was hoping to avoid any possibility the girls would would replicate the hardship of the out of control period of her younger life which came up because as a small child in an orphanage, ripped out of familiar surroundings for a 24 hour jet flight to Eugene, she had no control. She tried hard and planned to give the girls she carried and cared for and talked to and crossed the t's and dotted the i's for a life of great satisfaction, no empty spaces, no secrets, nothing to yearn for without knowing what it is. All for naught. Some people just don't know a gift when they see one staring them in the face.

I wouldn't want that said about me. So I will say, Maki Doolittle is a gift staring us in the face! Many blessings, Maki! We are very proud of you.